Monday, November 01, 2021

The NHS is a national disgrace


‘Our’ National Health Service is a national disgrace.
Our overpaid, lazy, part-time doctors won’t see us face to face,
They prefer to fob you off with a random telephone call
Which takes place at a time of their choosing if it takes place at all.
In the queue at the supermarket when you’ve gone down the shops,
With a basket filled with baked beans, biscuits and lamb chops,
Your doctor will call you and make you explain
In front of an interested crowd of people where exactly you feel the pain,
Why you have these embarrassing lumps
And what is leaving you so down in the dumps.
When they have finished they’ll no doubt fob you off
With a pill and some tests and something for that cough,
Then they’ll get into their personal-registered four-by-four
While the BMA campaigns for more money, more, more more.

Sunday, September 19, 2021

Planning for disaster?

Is Michael Gove going to row back on the Government’s plans to concrete over the countryside? He should do if he wants the Conservatives to win the next election.

The disco-dancing, nerdy new Secretary of State for Everything Important to Re-election has supposedly been told to do something to stop property developers decimating this green and pleasant land.

First off, he’ll have to abandon the Tories’ proposals to deny locals any say in what happens in their back yard and drop the idea that local councils are ordered to build X-thousand new homes whether they like it or not.

Sadly, even if the Government does trim its sails a bit and refuse to provide a blank cheque for property developers, not much will change because the planning system itself is in the hands of bureaucrats who will ensure it cannot change.

The local authority ‘experts’, the planning lawyers, the civil service command-and-control policy and the developers themselves will ensure nothing really puts the brakes on a rotten and corrupt system.

Yes, we need more homes (though we need fewer of them now most EU migrants have gone back home again). Yes, they need to be affordable for young people. And yes, they might as well be as environmentally-friendly as possible.

This can be achieved by re-purposing redundant town centres, unwanted office blocks and abandoned factories. It’s just a bit harder for the developers to do that and there may be a little less money to be made.

But the alternative of ploughing up the Green Belt is worse. And if Mr Gove does not realise that then he need only remember the Chesham and Amersham by-election when the seat was won by the Liberal Democrats with 57 per cent of the vote on a swing from the Conservatives of 25 per cent.


Monday, July 26, 2021

Sky rugby - the cliché of the Titans

 An idiot’s guide to commentating on the Lions tour if you work for Sky TV. All you need to do is repeat these meaningless and increasingly irritating phrases at irregular intervals throughout each game:

1.      The get-go
2.      Asking questions
3.      Set down markers
4.      Hard yards
5.      Worth the admission fee alone (especially when the stadium is empty)
6.      Hard-wired into the Springbok DNA
7.      Nobody said it was going to be easy
8.      Carry/carries
9.      Moving through the gears
10.  Grab the game by the scruff of the neck
11.  Sensing the scent of blood
12.  Half-time oranges
13.  It’s not rocket science
14.  Asking more questions
15.  The next score is absolutely crucial
16.  The game was always go to the wire (sic)
17.  His go-to man
18.  Arm-wrestle
19.  Questions being asked (again)
20.  Game of two halves
And here’s one comment almost worth the admission fee alone:
‘He’s absolutely hoofed that into the Sheriff of Carmarthen’s honker.’

Friday, November 20, 2020

God save the village green

 I've made a new video about my book 'Close of Play' to the tune of the Kinks' 'Village Green Preservation Society' because it seemed appropriate.

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Developers - coming to a village near you

Just had an email titled: 'UK Planning Laws Have Changed - Find The Best Opportunities Before Anyone Else!'

It's promoting some free webinar promising:

The new PD rights present a £100bn opportunity for property developers in the UK!
Find The Best Opportunities Before Anyone Else!
The fastest way to find the most profitable opportunities is by using ourrecently launched and most powerful platform to date, Nimbus Maps ELITE+
I've got no idea who Nimbus Maps ELITE+ are or what they do but you have been warned... new housing estates are coming to a cricket ground near you.

PS Maybe this is the reason why I am suddenly on a property mailing list: