Manchester Express? That’ll do nicely, thank you

The Mayor of Manchester and his gofers spent £56,000 on the combined authority’s credit cards in the second quarter of the year as the Cock of the North was strutting his way into Number Ten.

These payments include the obligatory £4,670 at Amazon, £1,027 to Facebook, £284 with Deliveroo and plenty of ‘subsistence’ at purveyors like Tesco, McDonald’s, Morrisons and so on.

They’re a well-travelled lot, these Greater Mancunians. They’ve even been to Birmingham where they spent £1,050 at a Premier Inn. They paid £675 to Lufthansa, £359 on parking at Heathrow Airport, £3,009 at Hampton by Hilton (in Manchester), £1,338 with Jet2 but a mere £146 with Ryanair. Another £1,485 went on ‘travel training’ with the University of Essex.

They generous, too, spending £1,830 with One4All, who supply multi-store gift-cards, and £215 with Huggg (yes, 3Gs) who supply ‘gifts your team and clients will actually want’.

Some people remember the old metropolitan county councils. They were axed as a waste of space in 1986.

They were replaced by regional development agencies in 1999. These, in turn, were designated pointless and abolished.

Then we had local enterprise partnerships, which were an even greater cunis. Now we have elected mayors like our national saviour.

The Cock of the North is to give us more of pointless, provincial, pettifogging panjandrums and wants to throw more money at them as if, by some miracle, they will transform their regions into economic powerhouses if only the taxpayer would cough up a bit more blood from the stone.

Or they can just use the nation’s credit card. Until we can’t keep up the monthly payments any more.

How the Cock of the North likes to spend your money

The Cock of the North’s spending spree as Mayor of Manchester may have come to an end but the bills are still coming in. In the three months to the end of June, the glorified quango forked out £316 million. This splurge included:

• £70,000 on a ‘green summit’;

• £6.6 million on consultants and professional fees;

• £240,000 on agency staff including one payment of £21,940 (plus £90,000 on recruitment);

• £5.8 million on traffic lights;

• £170,000 on private medical care including £6,000 on counselling and psychotherapy;

• £267,000 on research.

Other spending went on such vital schemes (with some explanations of what they do taken from their guff-laden and impenetrable websites) as:

Work

• Mantra Learning £1.2 million ‘We are providing Government-funded HGV Skills Bootcamps to address the driver shortage’;

• Back to Work Training Ltd £692,000;

• Bright Direction Training £315,000;

• Standguide Ltd £232,000 ‘Standguide has supported individuals and employers for over 35 years, helping over 13,000 people across the UK in the last 12 months to retrain, find new careers or grow their own businesses’;

• Ingeus UK £621,000 ‘Every day our teams across the UK help people improve their skills, employment, health and wellbeing. We’re purpose-led, passionate and proud to work with customers and communities to drive social change’;

• Learning Curve Group £62,000 ‘Gain new skills and confidence with an accredited online course. Study for free with Government funding.’

Media

• Carbon Creative £25,000 ‘We aim to be at the intersection of art, technology and sustainability where we combine pure imagination with digital engineering to create engaging dynamic and effective work.’

• Carbon Trust Advisory £30,000 ‘We partner with leading businesses, governments and financial institutions to accelerate their route to Net Zero. We are your expert guide to turn your climate ambition into impact’;

• Best Asian Media £18,000;

• Media coaching £17,000;

• Doodledo Motion Ltd £30,000 (they make videos);

• Jaguar Press £15,000.

Research

• Brand Edge £20,000;

• DJS Research £191,000 ‘We’re an employee-owned, B Corp Certified™, mid-sized market research agency with a proven track record of delivering actionable insight for clients across the UK and internationally’;

• Little Lion Research £56,000 ‘We undertake research that helps our clients to understand and demonstrate the impact of their plans and projects.’

Transport

• New and refurbishing traffic lights £5.8 million;

• Cyclescheme Ltd £30,000 ‘The UK’s number one, free to join, Cycle to Work scheme provider’;

• Prestige Chauffeurs £8,700 (they will be sorry to see Andy rolling about in his state-sponsored limo).

IT

• Dell Computers £192,000;

• Phoenix Software £1.5 million ‘We don’t just supply technology – we listen first, then work alongside your teams as part of the solution, not just the supply chain’;

• 6B Digital £6,300 ‘We deliver intelligent digital and technology solutions for critical applications across complex and innovative sectors’;

• Kaleidoscope Consultants £50,000 ‘has worked with national, regional and sub-regional bodies to create data management frameworks and governance arrangements that work to deliver data-enabled public services to citizens’;

• Shaping Cloud Ltd £17,000 ‘Azure. Done brilliantly. For organisations that can’t afford mistakes’;

• Telent Technology Services Ltd £197,000 ‘Telent designs, builds, manages and maintains the UK and Ireland’s critical digital infrastructure, helping to keep the country connected, moving and safe’;

• Accenture £50,000 ‘Our wide range of capabilities, ecosystem partnerships and unmatched industry expertise can help your business become the next best version of itself.’

General do-gooding

• Catch 22 Charity Ltd £228,000 ‘For over 200 years, Catch22 has designed and delivered services that build resilience and aspiration in people and communities’;

• Collaborate Out Loud £18,000 ‘Creating Surprising, simple and social spaces for social change and innovation’;

• Creating Effective Generations £10,000 ‘We specialise in supporting those vulnerable to Child Criminal & Sexual Exploitation’;

• Stitched Up Community Benefit Society Ltd £13,000 ‘Promoting creative expression through clothing + textiles + working to make sustainable clothing choices more accessible’;

• The Big Life Company £1 million ‘Fighting for equity in health, in wealth and in life’;

• Talk to Sara £15,000 ‘We exist to support survivors of sexual violence through trauma-informed care, advocacy, and community connection’;

• The Pankhurst Trust (incorporating Manchester Women’s Aid) £187,000 ‘We have 3 strands to our work – a Suffragette museum contributing to the city's heritage offer, a number of equalities projects promoting and supporting women, a number of domestic abuse services positioning us as the city's largest independent specialist provider’;

• Greater Manchester Immigration Unit £49,000 ‘Greater Manchester Immigration Aid Unit is a voluntary organisation supporting people subject to immigration control for over 35 years. We offer free legal advice, representation and support services to people seeking asylum, refugees, children and vulnerable adults’;

• Greater Manchester Women’s Support Alliance £217,000 ‘The Alliance is committed to funding and providing high-quality services to support, safeguard and empower all women’;

• Hideaway Youth Project £46,000 ‘Dedicated to the welfare of young women and men in Moss Side and surrounding areas’;

• LGBT Foundation £50,000;

• Manchester Camerata £108,000 ‘The world’s first orchestra with a mobile phone section.’ (Ode to Joy, the EU anthem, naturally). Introducing the AO Simphony | The UK's First Mobile Phone Orchestra;

• Manchester Rape Crisis £64,000;

• Rochdale Women’s Welfare Association £10,000;

• Soil Association £14,000 ‘We are the leading food and farming charity. We're on a mission to fix food and farming for all, the nature-friendly way’;

• Mosscare Housing £841,000 who are ‘Busting the myths around Social Housing and Asylum Seekers’;

• Workers’ Education Association £596,000;

• Noise of Angels £1,000 ‘Emerging as a distinctive new voice in the UK's left field electronic space’;

• Oasis Hub Oldham £163,000 ‘We are actively engaged in creating a community that is characterised by trust, safety, cohesion, mutual support, vibrancy, health, and opportunity, where individuals feel included, connected, and supported and in which they feel happy and proud to live’;

• Paws for Kids £19,000 ‘We are a community based domestic abuse service in Bolton offering a number of projects providing practical and emotional support to help break the cycle of abuse. We support individuals and families in their home and in temporary accommodation. We run the YPDVA service for 16-19 year olds representing the young person at MARAC. Each project is supplemented by group work and in-house counselling. We also offer a pet fostering service covering the Northwest for those fleeing abuse’;

• Pupils Profit £25,000 ‘Our goal is to teach pupils how to set up and operate sustainable Healthy Tuck Shops and Eco refill shops, which will contribute to a school's overall well being’; • Breaking Barriers (Meaningful Employment for Refugees) £24,000;

• Zion Arts Centre £75,000 ‘The UK’s only dedicated arts centre for children and families.’

Business development

• Future of Greater Manchester Ltd £24,000 ‘We build better places through connection, knowledge and leadership’;

• Greater Manchester Business Support £733,000;

• MIDAS Manchester’s inward investment agency £449,000;

• The Growth Company £2.7 million ‘We drive innovation across place promotion and investment, business support, skills and careers, people focused services, and insight led impact’;

• The Innovation Unit Ltd £214,000 ‘Our mission is to reduce inequalities and transform systems by growing people-powered innovations.’

The spreadsheets also show £50,000 for the Association of Police and Crime Commissioners, £100,000 on uniforms, £349,000 of payments where the recipient’s name has been redacted and £64,000 to Click Travel Ltd. Then there’s Delicious Catering £3,000; Lunch in the City £630; and Greater Manchester Mental Health NHS Foundation Trust £430,000.

My personal favourite is the £22,000 grant to Hey Little Cupcake. ‘For over 16 years, we've been creating freshly baked cupcakes, celebration cakes, wedding cakes, afternoon tea experiences, baking classes and corporate cupcakes from our Manchester baker.’

No wonder shop-keepers are clicked-off

If the Cock of the North’s love of the High Street was so great he’s happy to wipe out vape shops and bookies, why didn’t he require his own employees to shop in Manchester rather than buy stuff on Amazon when he had the chance?

Admittedly, shopping on-line is easier, saves parking costs and fines and we know the item we want is available, whereas shops these days often say it’s not in stock but you can get it from their website.

Even so, you’d think our glorious leader’s anxiety to save the ‘hollowed out High Street’ would start with shoppers and money he has direct control over.

But when he was Mayor of Manchester, credit-card users in his employment shopped at Amazon 149 times in the first three months of this year, spending £6,231.87.

Not all that much, you may think, but add in £299 at Sainsbury’s on-line, £426 to Asda on-line and £3,556 at Screwfix Direct and you might think the poverty-stricken shopkeepers of Greater Manchester – who, after all, pay for much of this – would have appreciated a little support from their local squire. What about leading by example?

Still, as Andrew Burnham’s fiefdom paid £14,330 to Google, £4,920 to Facebook and £854 to Mailchimp, they have clearly gone digital. Luckily, they did manage to pay £125 to Flowers by Bethany , £202 in a restaurant, £819 at Premier Inns, and £110 at Mcdonald’s, so that’s nice.

(Annoyingly, credit card data for Andy’s last three months as Mayor are supposedly available on-line but if you try to read or download them, they don’t work. Wonder if they have something to hide?)

https://www.dailymail.com/news/article-16044211/Former-M-S-boss-brands-Andy-Burnhams-plan-save-high-streets-lot-b-s-nothing.html

Pork-barrel scratchings with Andy and John

When the Cock of the North and his new best friend, Chancellor John Healey, took time out to debate the relative merits of pork scratchings and scampi fries in a nauseating video, did they also mention Britain’s defence spending?

Mr Healey resigned as Defence Secretary supposedly because he couldn’t get enough money from Rachael Reeves’s treasury. Then, in what came as a surprise to most people – notably Ed Bacon-sandwich-eater – the military’s champion is now its paymaster.

Yet no-one – not our Glorious Leader, his Chancellor or even new Defence Secretary Wes Streeting – is willing to say we will hit Mr Healey’s target of three per cent of GDP to go on guns and bombs by 2030.

What’s going on? Is it possible Mr Healey was lined up as Chancellor all along? Is it perhaps the case that his supposedly principled resignation just a week before Andrew Burnham became an MP again had nothing to do with the defence of the realm and everything to do with undermining Keir Starmer?

Mr Streeting, with terminological inexactitude, claimed he had enough support to mount a leadership challenge but that fizzled out. Now he says it’s more than his new job’s worth to say how much his new department should get.

Maybe Mr Healey really is a man of principle and will give Mr Streeting enough to secure Britain’s defences though it means finding £10 billion from the magic money tree which is already supposed to deliver £15 billion more for defence on top of all the other perks and promises Andy makes every day.

Or maybe Mr Healey’s resignation was simply part of the plot (which the Cock of the North claims to he had nothing to do with) to stitch up Keir Starmer and crown Burnham without a fight. In which case, it was just you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours and keeping the country safe from attack is just an unfortunate casualty of this summer’s coup.

Andy Burnham's pub video slammed - 'patronising to Labour voter!'

This Charming Man

When the Cock of the North gave his first interview to the State broadcaster, what did we learn from the twitchy behaviour of our new dictator?

That he is uncomfortable answering even the least-penetrating questions such as: ‘Will you get on with Donald Trump?’ or ‘Where is the money coming from?’

Laura Kuenssberg kept bowling him juicy half-volleys and all he could do was pat them away to mid-off.

The BBC billed the interview as an ‘exclusive’ but it was hardly a great triumph when every regime strong-man in any banana republic needs to capture the media in order to spread his propaganda and give him a cloak of legitimacy.

In Andy Capp’s case, we got a severe case of parochialism (does anyone really think a regional Mayor has support or legitimacy?), evasiveness and the usual slipperiness from the man who – astonishingly – claims not to have had anything to do with the plot to get rid of Keir Starmer.

Will he meet his own new Chancellor’s demand to increase defence spending? Hmm, he hasn’t really looked into it yet. Will he impose a new Death Tax to pay for social care? Hmm, he’s only been in the job a few days. Will he save money on welfare spending? That’s a question he must consider in due course.

He even had the nerve to claim people did not want a General Election and went on to claim he would stick to Starmer’s election manifesto because we live in a Parliamentary democracy.

He almost said there wouldn’t be an election before 2029 but not quite, which means he’s planning one next year when he has thrown around a few sweeties, the bills haven’t come in and he has ducked the ‘hard decisions’ he claims to be facing.

Having watched this nonsense, it makes you wonder why he wanted to be Prime Minister in the first place other than obvious self-aggrandisement. Either he has plans and daren’t tell us what they are or he genuinely doesn’t know what to do. I’m not sure which is worse.

The Cock of the North struts into Downing Street

As the Cock of the North’s Socialist coup comes to fruition, he could become as prolific as Donald Trump in using social media.

Andrew Burnham is certainly no stranger to on-line propaganda. In three months between January and March this year, his Greater Manchester authority spent £4,923 on Facebook ads and £14,330 with Google.

Our glorious leader’s former fiefdom spent £854 on email marketing with Mailchimp not to mention £252 with Elon Musk’s X to ‘enhance the user experience’.

Still, it’s small beer when merely eating and drinking leads to credit card payments of £930 at Asda, £301 at Costco, £110 at McDonalds, £569 at Morrison’s, £310 at Sainsbury’s, £434 at Tesco and £279 at Waitrose.

Mind you, when Manchester firepersons went to Mozambique in January to help with flood relief, they managed to pay £473 to Kangela Maputo which would appear to be a luxury seaside resort ‘nestled in the unspoiled coastal bush of Maputaland and overlooking the breathtaking Indian Ocean’.

One of the few policies today’s Prime Minister has outlined is a cut in taxes for High Street shops paid for by an increase in taxes on warehouses. This will dismay one of Greater Manchester’s biggest suppliers, Amazon, where £6,231 was spent on 139 transactions in the first quarter of this year.

The shops might not need the help if only Mr Burnham and his staff bothered to get off their backsides and use their local shops rather than sitting at their desks waiting for yet another Amazon Prime delivery. Still, it seems Mr Burnham likes to do things the easy way.

Tagged, taxed and traduced - don't let the Cock of the North catch you with money

Here’s a warning for the Cock of the North as he prepares to impose an exit tax on rich people fleeing his Socialist regime. It’s from my book ‘The Ministry of Theft’ which is meant to be a satirical look at the near future but might just be more of a prediction than I feared:

‘As the trickle of rich people getting out of the country threatened to turn into a flood, the Government banned all known billionaires and their families from leaving.

Since the imposition of Personal ID devices, it was easy for the Ministry of Surveillance to place a tag on their digital passports which meant they were unable to pass through control barriers at any legal route out of the country. To be on the safe side, the ban affected hundreds of thousands of people who were required, for a fee, to prove their relative impoverishment before the tag was lifted.

A State of Emergency was declared. The Prime Minister insisted it was a temporary measure to prevent the country’s oligarchs from escaping the new Fairness Charge which even middle-classes with modest assets hated and called a second Wealth Tax. The travel ban extended to anyone directly or indirectly related to the named wealthy individual – even ex-wives and step-children, cousins and uncles, were affected – and, with the compliance of the National Bank, the Government was able to prevent them from removing their money even if they were not allowed to remove themselves.

Wealth tests were imposed at airports. Security checks now included demands to see three years of bank statements. Thorough searches were made to prevent the export of cash or valuables. Some people thought they could convert money into diamonds and wear them on the way out of the country but it quickly became apparent this was not only unacceptable but the jewels themselves would be confiscated as punishment for trying to circumvent the regulations.

There were other ways round the Government’s prohibitions. The most popular was through the purchase of Bitcoin and other digital currencies which soared in value as demand increased. Some pundits warned that, once the State of Emergency was over, the value of virtual-reality money would plummet. That did not end the speculation. The Government sought international agreements to prevent what it called the laundering of money via cryptocurrencies but only with modest success. To the Prime Minister’s unconcealed fury, other countries saw themselves as competitors with Britain and encouraged wealthy people to move their money to their jurisdictions by whatever means were still open to them. The drain of capital became a game of cat-and-mouse as the rich sought ever more elaborate ways to get round the ban on extracting their money and moving it somewhere safer. Accountants and lawyers got rich as a result and both groups used their skills to ensure their own earnings were, as far as possible, placed legally beyond the reach of The National Revenue and Customs.

It didn’t take long for international confidence in the financial stability of Great Britain to drain away. This provoked ever-rising rates of interest. In turn, this stalled demand for loans and mortgages, crippling the economy while the cost of servicing the Government’s own debt grew more and more unmanageable.

The blackouts grew worse.' Buy it now - while you can still afford it

A win for the ages?

Some people don’t love the Daily Mail but you’ve got to welcome their success in defeating the concerted attack by celebs and the ridiculous Hacked Off whingers over allegations the paper broke the law to land various stories.

It is such an emphatic victory one would hope critics of the press will crawl back under a stone and stay there. Alas, that is not likely.

Indeed, there is a danger the Northern coup d’état leader will impose state regulation as part of his campaign to impose a 1,000-year Socialist reich.

State control should be anathema to any sentient being.

We’re fed enough lies, half-truths and misleading nonsense by our rulers and their spin merchants already. Getting at the truth is increasingly difficult. Yet sometimes it really matters that the great and good are exposed for the grubby little self-servers they really are.

Congratulations to the Daily Mail on a famous victory. Let’s hope this is (as they say about World Cup victories) ‘a win for the ages’ and not just a brief glimpse of honesty as we drown in a sea of propaganda.

https://www.dailymail.com/columnists/article-15960437/conspiracy-Daily-Mail-enemies-free-Press-STEPHEN-GLOVER.html